"Anyone who has promised, 'For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health' has inevitably discovered that those phrases don't even begin to cover it." --Gina Gates, Falling in October
Most of us who seek love in the second half of life are searching for it again. It's not enough that age can present challenges all by itself, but we have to factor in our half-century of cumulative history. Some of those experiences give us a decided advantage when making decisions about new relationships, but others can deter us from moving forward. It's quite a balancing act to hold on to the precious nuggets of learned insight while banishing the beastly memories of the past.
As you've likely gathered, my book was not originally a book. It was comprised of several handwritten journals and what I affectionately call "my stack of scribbles". Yes, I wrote love letters and romantic poetry, but I also registered my analysis of the undertow that pulled me under a few times as the waves of that autumn-time divorce crashed on my shore. That self-education might not seem that it would flow next to all my dreamy thoughts about the future. Yet, it was all like a parallel universe, happening at the same time. Love is not one dimensional, and neither is my life.
You'll find if you read my book that although I did write it for one man, I realized that the overflow of those October epiphanies could help others in similar situations. I wanted to encourage others who have the dual challenge of facing their advancing years while seeking (what might be) their last real love. We're all riding this same carousel, wondering how many more times we can go around until there are no more chances at the brass ring. But I want it. And you probably do too.
There was a time when I felt all alone. But we are not all alone. Unfortunately, those who find themselves single in midlife often feel isolated. So many baby boomers are going through the same thing, but we are just unaware of it. There is tremendous pain out there that is not being fully addressed. In searching online or looking for books that spoke to my core needs, I found very little that helped me or even touched my emotions. I decided that being vulnerable enough to acknowledge my own desires might provide an uplifting and empathetic resource the next time someone else went looking for one.
We're used to wearing our brave faces and conducting business as usual. At the least, to be able to identify with fellow lovelorn comrades is nice. Even better if two people who would be so right together become more in tune to finding each other. I'm hoping that this book can do that for me; and in another way, I hope it can do it for you too. I don't have the book of answers about how to erase the repercussions of divorce and make it all better. But sometimes it just helps to know that someone else knows how we feel. Knowing that it can get better is a welcomed ray on a cloudy day. When we find strength, hope, and faith, the October sky--and the future--seem so much brighter. ♥
I wrote this in 2011, while I was waiting for love to find me again. Much has changed and been fulfilled since then, so now I am even more determined to encourage those in midlife not to give up on love.